Here are some of the funny things my kids are doing these days...
Animal noises were the first things they could say. But now they're kind of over it and for every animal I ask them to imitate Harrison barks like a dog and David meows - with perfect clarity and pronunciation which somehow makes it more hilarious.
They play Connect Four with me. Without winners or losers or any understanding of the objective. Which is why I play with them.
No matter what Harrison has in his hand at what time, he has to hit David on the head with it.
David hits his head on everything anyway.
They are starting to trade items and share without me asking which is one of the coolest things about twins so far.
Harrison wiggles when he walks as if he's trying to be a dog. All the time. It's very girly but I like it.
They both dance like weirdos. David bends his knees and goes side to side or up and down almost like twerking. Harrison looks like a sassy black woman from the 50's when he dances. like with sassy hands and twisty hips. I'm trying not to be worried about it.
If I mention anyone is "coming over" they look at the door immediately.
When they do something mean to each other they have to say sorry and give a hug - and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen even when forced.
They take their diapers off and pee if they don't have pants on. Happened last night in David's crib.
Harrison developed a grumpy scowl and does it all the time for fun and totally out of context. Sometimes he's just scowling at me from across the room...
If I close myself in a room to vacuum it, David thinks I'm dying. Total panic and terror until I'm out. Even though he knows both me and the vacuum quite well at this point.
One of their favorite things is the idea of brushing their teeth (I brush their teeth with a tiny bit of adult toothpaste more aggressively than they'd like, and then they get to do it themselves after it's washed off). It's really not exciting. But I try to make that last part really rewarding...
It's boring, but, it's my life ;). Plus lots and lots of fall leaves, going to the park as much as possible before winter, only one car, chalk and colored pencils, little books, Winnie the Pooh adventures, stand-up showers until the full bathroom upstairs is finished, and so many little things I cherish. I don't know why but I haven't been this excited for the holidays in years.
Mom came to visit.
We went to New York.
-Boys last winter-
What about the holidays are you most excited for???
Hey guys, remember me? Sorry I haven't "blogged" in a while. I've just been living life. Creating memories. Reading books. Trying to figure out the meaning of life. Ya know, the usual. I just started a new book: The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. It's a captivating novel. I'm almost done, but my mom's in town right now so I am spending more time with her than my book recently. There are so many hilarious and also poignant lines and concepts in it. The death-anxiety part of me is loving it, but it's not just philosophical - it's also about two awesome cancer-fighting teens falling in love (obviously everyone knows about this story, right?!) so my teenage-girly heart is loving it too.
Do you believe in an afterlife? This is one conversation that they have. Read the book to hear it (and/or to have your heart explode). We are all looking for the meaning of our lives, and how we can create meaning within them. What will my verse be? Hmm.
I do believe that there is something for us after death. And going through death brings us closer to God. I believe there is a Supreme Being who created me and loves me. There I said it. Sounds crazy, right? It's becoming less and less popular and intellectually-sound to believe in God these days isn't it? Well I never was very popular. I am young but I've been through some crappy things in my life. I haven't had to deal much with death, though. And now I think about it every day. Why? Because it scares me. I have little children. I have never had to feel this way about another human, until I created two that are now a part of this earth. There are parts of my body that are now living beings walking around that I love so dearly that if I think about it too much my heart seriously might explode. I sacrificed my existence so that I could create life. I could have died delivering them. I would die for them without any hesitation. And that's scary.
But we do things that are so scary because that is how we form connections, understand God, and create meaning. The things you aren't doing because they are scary are so often the best things. We are all dying like people fighting cancer, just not as quickly. Sorry if that was too blunt - what I'm saying is, let's really live our lives the way we really want to live them! That means different things for every person: for some it is seeing the whole world, for others it is simply spending more time with the people they love. Anyway, all this is coming from the thoughts and questions in my brain recently. What do you think about all this? I am trying really hard to be a better person which starts with loving people unconditionally and not thinking about myself as much. A lot comes from that I think and there are so many adventures waiting to be had so love yourself and everyone and live life with courage and purpose. That's a lot to ask for... Well, it helps to sit, meditate, and reflect. Then make a list of ways to create a better quality of life. Think about how you can create it every day. I would show you mine, but I simply want to keep it mine.
I suppose I will tell you one, though:
Keep social media off my phone so that I can be present and available with my kids.
I would love to hear your thoughts whether you did it or not.
Traveling has always been something vague to me - something I have always wanted to do but don't really know how or what it means. I think I'm figuring it out in small steps just by seeing new places in the United States. I got to drive with all my boys down to Delaware on the most beautiful roads through trees, lakes and rivers, and humungous farms filled with crops and horses. A good majority of it was spent listening to the two littlest boys whining, but the trip back wasn't so bad. Dave's parents rented a beach house for a week in Bethany. The picture above is when I caught my first fish at Bethany Beach. I was really, really happy about it. We went early in the morning and watched the sun float higher and higher over the water. I had never seen the sunrise on the beach before. It is easy on the eyes and so satisfying. It reminded me why I like mornings. The Atlantic ocean is warmer and calmer (usually) than the Pacific - although, there were LOTS of sea creatures in there! Usually you don't run into anything or even see much on the west coast beaches, but we all at different times stepped on something much bigger than the fish in this picture. That's when I decided to get out and dry off. That morning fishing trip we saw a whole lot of dolphins, and every day we went we saw rays, horseshoe crabs, and sharks (not huge, but... big enough).
I saw so many new things even though I've lived ten minutes away from the beach almost my whole life. It's experiences like that that make me feel alive. I was quite the home body by the time the boys were born and it took me a while to start going out with them. Now we've seen lots of new places, we try new things all the time (roller derby being my personal new obsession), and they're growing freaking fast. I am so grateful for being able to see new things and I can't wait till my kids can really enjoy new places and remember them. I'm pretty sure once my kids are all older Dave and I are going to drive them around the entire country making them see and do new things with us as part of their schooling. That'd be great.
I've heard people say that you should travel and do everything you want to do before you have kids, but I've done probably way more cool things than I did before getting knocked up! It may be harder to do with kids but I see it as a challenge. And I love a good challenge. I want my kids to challenge themselves and not be afraid of new things. To me, there is nothing more satisfying or relieving than facing your fears alongside the ones you love. And since my closest obvious encounter to death was on a big, scaly rock surrounded by ocean, letting my kids even go near it was a huge accomplishment.
After exactly one year, I am sharing with the world David and Harrison's birth story. And my story.
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It was some time after 3:00 AM on June 29th when I woke up and had to use the bathroom. It was a regular occurrence. Everything was fine except when I exited the bathroom - I felt a funny feeling. I checked again and saw that my mucus plug had come out (something that blocks bacteria from getting to your babies – sorry for the gross pregnancy lingo). They say that once that happens it’s time to go to the hospital. I was so excited and scared in one moment I quickly yelled for Dave to get up and call Labor and Delivery. It was in my contact list ready to be called.
They told me to come in and even though my “hospital bag” was pretty much packed we didn’t get to the hospital until around 4:30 AM.
They monitored me for a few hours and Dave decided to go into work because we were used to false alarms and being sent home. They told me I was having regular contractions, so they admitted me. They took me to a delivery room and gave me a shot under my arm that would slow my contractions. Soon after, it made me feel like I had the flu. They said that was normal. They wanted to keep the babies in me as long as they could, which meant I would have to stay medicated in the hospital until the boys were born. Then they took my vitals and plugged one IV into my arm and another into my other wrist. One was dripping magnesium sulfate, a more effective way to stop contractions, and the other was just there for other uses.
I was a little unnerved thinking about how long I could be in there for, but I was mostly excited that things were happening and I was being taken care of.
Dave packed some stuff from home to sleep with and came back to the hospital. As long as I stayed there he would stay there.
I soon found out that the magnesium sulfate drip was similar to a torture device:
It not only relaxes your contractions, but all the muscles in your body, so in just a few hours I could’t even stand up by myself. It also meant they had to put saline in my body regularly. There was so much fluid pumping into my body I swelled up bigger than I would ever think my skin could stretch. I could barely move my feet. The pores on my legs were stretched open and my skin stung to the touch. I had to wear an ice pack in my crotch, and every time they switched it out I could see that my fluid-filled legs formed around it and would stay that way when removed. Instead of getting a catheter I decided I wanted the little toilet seat on wheels… It was my way of getting up a few times a day. I had to very slowly and painfully get to the edge of the bed and be lifted up onto the seat and go to the bathroom while the frame around it pressed into my legs and hips. I also had to wear cuffs that went from my ankles to my knees that filled and released air similar to a blood pressure cuff in order to keep my legs from getting blood clots, which they had to take off every time I got up. Luckily those didn’t hurt - it was kind of nice actually.
The first day (Saturday the 29th) they were giving me a large, constant dose of the magnesium sulfate and the shot under my arm every few hours, so that was probably the worst day. All they would let me consume was water and popsicles. Orange popsicles were like a glimpse of heaven in that hospital room. I made sure I always had a spare by my bed. I’ll never look at them the same way again.
Throughout the night and next morning my contractions started to slow, which meant two things: they would lower my dose, and I would get to eat food again. I was so tired I didn’t wake up any of the times they took my vitals over night. The nurse came in and helped me go to the bathroom, brush my teeth (which caused me to vomit), and wash my body off.
Then they brought in some breakfast. All I remember eating were the most perfect and delicious white rolls in the universe. Their other food wasn’t good, so I ordered lots of popsicles and rolls.
The day went on and I only saw the doctor once or twice for a couple minutes. My blood was drawn at least once a day. They had to find a new spot to put the needle every time and they screwed up a lot, leaving me with little bruises and band-aids.
Later on Dave and I watched a movie on TV and his parents visited and brought some yummier snacks. Skyping my family that night was a little depressing. My mom had already changed her flight once and she couldn’t do it again so she was stuck at home till the end of the week. She was basically panicking through it all, but it was nice seeing home.
The next morning (Monday, July 1st) they lowered the dose again and by the afternoon I was at the lowest dose. I was feeling much more myself because I wasn’t getting the flu-inducing shot anymore.
Finally in the evening the doctor came in and told the nurse to take out the Magnesium Sulfate drip and move us up to the long-term stay floor. It was good and bad news: one of my arms would be free from a needle and tube, but we were moving further away from delivery. Also, the nurses were older up there - not very nice - and the rolls weren’t as good.
Since the magnesium sulfate wasn’t slowly pumping into my body anymore I was able to get up and use the restroom by myself, and even shower. Although, I was still so huge and weak that Dave had to help me while I held onto a rail (the one IV left in my arm was wrapped).
Despite my clean hair and lotioned skin, it was dark and lonely in the newly renovated upstairs rooms with small windows and mean nurses. I felt helpless. I cried a lot. Luckily Dave was there to cry on and cheer me up.
His parents decided to come visit and let Dave go get some dinner and stuff from home. It was late in the evening by the time he got back. He gave me some food and we watched a movie until we were ready to sleep. I was so uncomfortable and depressed that I decided to pray. I prayed and sobbed.
“ Heavenly Father, I have been through so much. I am miserable and exhausted and I need to get out of here. Please help me. I can’t do this anymore. I want to see my babies. Please help me. ”
I fell asleep.
At about 4:00 AM I woke up from painful contractions. I called the nurse in and they said I was 3 cm dilated and they’d bring me back downstairs. I wanted to laugh, cry, shout for joy, but I was too tired. So I just smiled.
Finally I was in an even bigger delivery room than before (with a huge window), doctors and nurses were taking care of me, and the boys were coming.
The sun started coming up and Dave started videotaping again and playing what we decided was their song:
I dilated slowly throughout the afternoon, but not far enough to get the epidural yet so they gave me a shot that “won’t get rid of all the pain, but you just won’t care.” Hmmmm, okay? And they were right - I was still feeling things but instead of hurting, I became loopy and excited. Did they just give me street drugs?
And I could still eat popsicles! I was happy.
They did an ultrasound and the boys were both head down, which was crazy because Harrison was always head up. Two head-down babies means you can have a safe vaginal delivery. I hadn’t even read that much about vaginal delivery nor did I take any classes throughout my entire pregnancy because I expected a C-section.
So I tried to mentally prepare myself for vaginal delivery.
They gave me the epidural a couple hours later, and by dinner time the first water broke and the doctor said that I could try pushing any time.
After a few minutes of figuring out the whole pushing with your butt and not your face thing, Dave said he could see the baby’s hair. I tried to see it and obviously failed.
They rolled me over to the ER (multiple-baby births have to happen in the ER) with a baby’s head part-way out of my body and in what seemed to be 5 minutes, baby David was born.
So much relief came after that final push (and I was so distracted by the whole process and congratulating myself) that when I heard David’s little cry it actually took me a second to realize what it was. I looked around and then it hit me - that’s my son! He’s a little person and he’s mine. His little voice was so beautiful I cried and laughed at the same time. I sat up and watched him.
The doctor said I had to start pushing for the next baby but I had to take a moment and just breathe. I tried to touch him as he rolled by. They were taking him to the NICU.
I sat there for a little while just absorbing the moment.
Then I started pushing again to get Harrison down so they could break his water. After a few very exhausting minutes baby Harrison was born. There was the next beautiful cry.
I watched his little red face and limbs as he was cleaned off. Hearing and watching him I could already tell them apart. I lay there and cried. I wanted to hold him so badly.
He rolled away.
The nurses congratulated me while I was cleaned up by the doctor and lifted back onto my bed. After all the boys were out of the room I realized how bright the lights were - it was like trying to open my eyes directly under the sun. So I kept my eyes closed the rest of the time. Dave went back to the room with me and took me in a wheelchair to the NICU where I finally held my boys. I held them each on my skin for a while. I was glad the nurses hadn’t bathed them yet. I wanted to stay with them all night but I was so tired my eyes were practically swelled shut.
I was taken back up to my room and still somehow I couldn’t sleep until 1 am. But when I did, I slept a long, wonderful sleep.
Today is a cloudy, rainy day just like the one above, except Dave works and we are not going to an awesome breakfast place or seeing a fountain with blue water. Saturdays are usually hard because even though Dave gets off earlier than most days of the week, it's the weekend and I'm tired. My plan today is to go walk on Main and find a coffee shop or diner where we can get some food. The boys (and I) NEED lots of adventure and new things so one of my new year's resolutions was to go somewhere new every week, even if it's on the same block I've been on plenty of times. I haven't done it every week. Most times it's not intended; I don't keep track. But just having that goal written down pushes me to think creatively.
Saturday is the usual day that the poke in the eye or the kick in the crotch is extra annoying. Most things like that are accidental, but that doesn't make it any less annoying. Saturday is when I'm too tired to do the dishes or run around with my kids. Our play time involves a whole lot of me lying on the floor singing badly to them or dying slowly from punches and body slams. It's a day when I hear them crying and hate everything - including myself for being so imperfect. Or today - David wakes up from their nap after only 30-45 minutes each time and leaves me with lots of unfinished things and uttering the words WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. And then I change one diaper while the other baby takes out all the wipes or finds the one thing that's most harmful in the room for them so I have to stop what I'm doing and take it from him so he can cry and the other one can get away butt naked. Despite all the extremely frustrating, exhausting, and painful things I go through day to day, I still can't get over how cute they are or how much I want to pinch that little butt trying to get away. Yes, I have plenty of days I fantasize about not having kids and all the glorious things I would do with my time, but I can still do most things if I put my mind to it. And I plan on sharing lots of adventures with them as they get older, because they're my best friends. I think moms with young kids have the hardest job out there. I don't know what it's like having older kids and I know there are lots of older people who would quickly rebuttal "Well you JUST WAIT till they're (insert age group hardest for them to parent). But I am not them! Everyone has different challenges, and I am excited to have conversations with my little friends when they're older. I feel like I'm just talking to myself most of the time.
Hope someone is living it up somewhere new today.
P.S. My kids are screaming at me as I finish this post.
My babies are eleven months old. This time last year I was 32 weeks pregnant (3 weeks before they popped out). Sorry I'm a bit late on this post. I've been busy with life. Also, Harrison dunked my phone in the kitty pool a few times so I got a new one. I'm still figuring it out. I got a windows phone because iPhones make me angry, despite their easy format. I'll probably switch back eventually. They don't touch my phone anymore, but they can play with that iPhone all they want now.
News concerning the boys:
David and Harrison can take 3-5 steps on their own now. Recently, they have even gone from sitting to standing on their own and then proceeded to walk.
They're obsessed with going outside (in the hot, humid weather) and playing with plants. I know, it's weird. I usually pull out the pool, try to read to them my book of choice, and try to get some color on my legs. Getting all those done is a rarity, but that's the goal.
They love to FaceTime with grandma. We do it quite frequently.
They chase after dogs (which terrifies me), and they love when Dad is home.
Harrison has one tooth now.
We go out at least once a day and try to find something fun to do or good to eat. We've been having a lot of ice cream recently. We're making more friends. They're almost completely on whole milk now which is saving us big bucks.
We will be celebrating their first birthday on our two family vacations in July. We're very excited.
I have to say, this time last year was much more miserable than this year.
Decided to clap on his own.
"Wan' dat"
This is when we found our first NORMAL double-seated kart. Usually we find the karts with the crappy plastic seats that attach to it. Anyway they had fun. They were turned around the entire time trying to see where we were going.
Eating cake.
Eating PB&J.
This was memorial day. It was an awesome day in which we went to this art festival along the Susquehanna River, and then we had a big picnic with friends and family. (Photo at the top was at the picnic). They have festivals here a lot in the summertime. I need infinite summer.
Hey guys. Some of you have already noticed that I just updated my about column and changed my title back to what it originally was, but I figured I'd briefly explain it here. I thought of it as I planned to create this blog as we were driving across the country in late 2012. As you probably know the URL to my blog has this title in it, so I wanted to make it correlate again. It's the "gemcycle" blog, so that's what it will be. Sorry if it confuses you for a little while, but I think it's actually LESS confusing, yeah? Some new columns are coming soon as well, so stay tuned!
I love the sun. I love light. It has been cloudy and rainy for the last week-ish, so once we saw the sun we held it tightly. It stayed for us today. I have a whole lot of pictures and words to say in my stacking unfinished posts. I'm trying to get them reopened and finished. And in the meantime, this happened yesterday and it was their first time in a "pool." They had fun. And I basked in the sun.
Here's a picture of my pasty legs for ya.
David kept trying to drink the water.
We east coasters should take more time to play with ninja turtles in little pools. The parts that felt like home: lying on a beach towel in the sun, wearing a bathing suit, and eating a steak burrito I made right after. I mean, come on.
P.S. This is what I'm listening to right now - in case you wanted to hear what I'm hearing and be happy and dancey.
My little flip-calendar I'm making with ink pens and blank flashcards.
So David and Harrison are 10 months old. They're moving around a lot and the fact that they're getting older still doesn't make me want to have another child. (In case you didn't get the memo-post-fake-memo: I'm not pregnant). But still, I often sit and wonder how many kids I'll have. I wanted five. I've heard many times that having 5 kids is easier than having 2 or 3 - which I can see being true as you constantly have help from the older kids and ultimately have less work to do in that sense. It's tempting to just have the two because I love my little boyfriends so much I can't imagine loving more than 3 boys at once (3 including my husband). I guess I could have a girl, but I wouldn't want more than one. Don't you love how I'm trying to pick and choose my fate?
Sigh... It's hard giving all your love and energy to two people all day every day with the exception of maybe 2 hours. It's amazing, though, that I get the opportunity to completely take care of two other humans who are just learning about this world, and to see how fast the human brain develops in early years. I am the person to fill these boys' beautiful and curious brains - and that is a little freaky. Many times in a day I question my ability to rear these children, let alone homeschool them. It's terrifying! But at the end of the day (most days) I know I can help these humans understand and appreciate the earth and the infinite things you can learn on it more than being in one classroom (or six) all day with some teachers and students their age who's majority won't really care about my kids. So I'm glad we have decided to do this. Click HERE if you are interested in hearing the perspective of a male who was unschooled. Click HERE if you are interested in hearing the perspective of a woman who, with her husband, decided to take her young children out of school and homeschool them. She also guides you through the stages of learning - The Socratic Method of homeschooling which is based on the Trivium, a method of teaching children according to the phases of a child's cognitive development (concrete, analytical, and then abstract thinking). I plan on using the Trivium as a guideline for helping my kids learn.
But like I said, it's all freaky. Not good freaky, bad freaky. And my vague plan is to not have another babe until we know we are really settled in a place/home and the boys are at least 3 years old.
Going back to the children I already have...
Taken at the duck pond.
Sometime I torture them with weird picture taking.
Looking at the bees at Ashcombes, a place where we like to get our indoor/outdoor plants (and get ice cream).
Afterbath.
Deciding to explore instead of go to bed.
Harrison still has no teeth but he is showing signs of teething recently. i.e. A fever of 102 degrees... very sad. David is getting his third and fourth - one is on top! They are starting to get into everything that you can get into without walking or jumping (although they ALWAYS want me to walk with them - they are now learning how to walk with me just holding their hand as I carry the other baby), so my chores and hobbies are a little behind what I'd like. The weather is warmer though, so as long as it's not raining we're usually outside doing something which is really the thing that completes my day. What is living if you're inside all day? And the answer to that is: WINTERTIME IN THE NORTH EAST. Alright, let's not think about it. Pretend it's not real. So that's basically our life. Eating, sleeping, trying to find new places and interesting things to see and do, trying to just finish a meal or a movie, or the laundry or a shower, or on some great days a project, and on all days just trying to be happy people.
This is how we spent the most beautiful last Saturday:
It's a good view.
Dave and Christi. It's time they had some babies.
My Dave. I love this picture.
David Levente.
Harrison Gabriel.
David Levente with tupperware on his head.
Hi. Like my haircut? I have so much more time on my hands now...
They want the phone so badly. All the time.
Then I made some cookies that were eaten so quickly I could not get a good picture. The main ingredient is one of the best and most tasty good foods we have! The boys eat it by the baby spoon full.
Avocado.
Here is the recipe. The cookies are so rich and moist. My suggestions are to make sure it is mixed well and evenly, and to make smaller portions. A little bite goes a long way.
