34 weeks: Getting Weak

Some realities about being very pregnant with twins:

I've gained 50 lbs, and I am getting very tired. You're all thinking, well duh. But tired now summarizes these things:
>Waking up from contractions
>Waking up from pain of having to eat and urinate.
(for some reasons these two things are illuminated at night. I sleep like a baby kitten all day)
>Taking exhausting and painful showers because my feet and legs swell so bad that it feels like needles are poking me.
>If I go out in the daytime (it's at least 90 here like every day now) I almost die... I have to go recover by lying in bed with my feet way up and the AC on and a fan on me.
>I can't pick up anything heavier than like 15 lbs or I could go into labor, and I can't do the dishes or make dinner by myself.
>I HATE if I drop something.

This is a very mild version of what happens to my feet. I'm lying in the mother room at church. I'm done teaching as of last week. Yes, one of my sandals fell off...

I am aware that this is basically a big fat post complaining about my current lifestyle and that may be annoying, but it's just getting really hard mentally, physically, and emotionally. I cried last night before getting in the shower because I knew it was going to be hard and my feet were going to be in pain. I can't take a bath because I can't even bend down low enough to get in. Dave's tried to help.
Being this weak is terrifying. It's frustrating and overwhelming. I am getting a sense of what it's like to be physically disabled and I have a new understanding and respect for people that do.
We haven't been going out to sit-down restaurants because I can't sit in a 90 degree angle without the babies shoving into my ribs, my tailbone being sore, or my feet swelling up. I want to go swimming but being outside in this heat and sun is not even worth it. We are very limited right now to the things we can go do. We can't even go anywhere that requires more than 5 minutes of walking.

And I am so grateful that my disability is temporary and that I have someone to help me through this.
Last night Dave sat me down and blew my hair dry for me after I showered.

Yesterday the doc told me I was a little dilated so it's a good thing my body wants to rest so much. I need to. Good thing we have lots of books and I got more yarn to make the second boy's blanket:

I'm also remaking the first one which you'll see later.

Fascination

There are few dubstep songs I like because a lot of times people take it a little too far...

But this is beautiful:

Part I: Motherhood; Part II: Being with Dave

Part I
Last night was the first night I really had that "I am going to be a mother" type of feeling not in a vague freaked out way that usually accompanies that realization. I actually felt like a mother. Every night, as I make sure the doors are locked and the lights are all out, the last room I pass before entering our bedroom is the boys' room. And I have that passing thought of "one day there will actually be two babies living in there that will be demanding my work and attention almost constantly." But my thought process is becoming different. Feeling like a parent isn't such a distant blob of anticipation and confusion. It's becoming a reality, something I thought wouldn't really happen until they were born. And I'm sure that it will hit me again in a much more intense way once I see them and know who they are.
Father's Day has actually helped me come to this I think. I woke up early on Sunday and made David breakfast in bed, a tradition from my parents that I happily decided to keep. As his wife I do things for him all the time (and he for me), but in keeping this tradition I realized that I was creating a standard for my own family and what I hope will continue throughout their families. And I thought, next year the boys will be clumsily trotting up the staircase to help me give love and gifts to their father. I felt like a proud wife and mother already, and felt peaceful and excited about the future I could see.

I decided to show Dave this picture I drew of him the day before Father's Day (it is more of a gift for me because this is one of my favorite pictures of Dave and being an amateur artist I had to capture it myself on paper):

Here it is a little closer:

I love this picture because I can see the happiness and emotion in his eyes. In the actual picture you can see his eyes were a little teary.

Part II
It's so funny how we are so different but SO compatible. It was harder while we were dating and would argue about something or not want to go to the same place to eat, etc.  I knew how much I loved him and it freaked me out when our relationship had even the tiniest road bumps like these.
It was Father's Day two years ago when we went to California for our friends' wedding. We stayed in my house and he met my whole family except my brother. It was a moment in our lives when we both understood each other and ourselves in a new way. And I already knew I wanted to be his wife. We were starting the healthiest relationship we had both ever had. But as our relationship progressed we went through a lot of hard times. I wasn't ready for marriage, and he wanted it but wasn't quite ready for it at the time either. We still had people in our lives to deal with and things to work through together.

As many of you already know, we broke up A LOT. I was so afraid to commit to someone who was so different and someone I fought with all the time, that I kept breaking up with him every time something went wrong! I thought, how could this person ever be my best friend?! In those brief moments of being away from him he would write me notes and emails, and leave gifts at my door which just proved how much he knew me. I tried not to think about it and date other people. But like I said, I knew how much I loved him and I really knew I couldn't live without him. It hit me more every time. After that cycle for about 6 months, I decided to love him unconditionally and work through the hard times instead of running away. Our relationship grew stronger and more content. Then the following March he proposed. We were both ready.
I don't regret anything that happened because I believe it was all part of us becoming one and being as strong as we are today. We bugged each other a lot and we still do, but that's kind of inevitable when you're with someone every day isn't it. We are so in love with each other that it's worth it. ...Plus it's kind of fun to bug him now ;) Being with anyone else (especially someone much more like me) would bug me way more. So I am continually grateful for my decision and that Dave loves me enough to go through all that and everything else with me.

Hopefully this helps someone in their quest for happiness. The end.

32 weeks - 6 to go

Me and my belly:

My face is getting fatter not only because of my water weight, but because I'm congested a lot. My allergies make me look like I just cried or I'm tired all the time. But it's cool...

And here is who will be my first born baby boy:

This is his face - side profile. They are getting so squished that only one would cooperate. But we got this beautiful picture yesterday, which I'm happy about because we always get a good picture of the second baby and now I can see how beautiful this guy is too.

He is 3 lb 10 oz.  Baby B is 4 lb 2 oz.
I've got almost 8 lbs of baby inside me.

Latest symptoms:
> Carpal tunnel (from all the fluid in my body)
> Braxton Hicks contractions
> Sharp pains in my cervix from this little guy above pushing his head down there all the time!
>Using Those Shopping Carts That You Drive Syndrome (That's not a real syndrome, I made it up. But I do use them).
> Vivid dreams... I've heard about this and thought, 'Sure, no big. My dreams are weird enough already.' Nope. Freaking crazy, usually terrifying, all night long dreams. They are scary, but they tend to end pretty neutral. Or maybe I just die, I don't know. And sometimes throughout them, a random boy from my past (before Dave) will ride by on a bike or be in the audience of my dream or something and I'm like oh hey.
Some subjects include:
--Killer whales (one of the scariest creatures EVER)
--Dinosaurs (what I used to have nightmares about constantly as a child because I couldn't stop watching Jurassic Park)
--Battling Arnold Schwarzenegger with another pregnant girl (Fun? No, scary)
--Going back to my last job for a day and them not letting me leave (shudder)

And then Dave has a nightmare about people handing him babies and he keeps dropping them...
That seems to make more sense to me.

Thirty-one weeks

Here I am at 31 weeks. I am measuring full term for singleton pregnancy. I have been given a prescription for my contractions so that my uterus will stay relaxed and the boys will stay in. They're like rabbits.

Also, I decided to chop me some bangs. They are NOT straight across - ew (no offense to the people that look great with those) or on my eyebrows, they are a bit shorter and I can sweep them to either side. I like shorter bangs that shape my face and eyes without hiding my eyebrows...or my face.

And here are a few cute clothes the boys have. You'll see the rest on them later.

Like father like sons :)

Teeniest pants ever made. Just think about how small my hand is.

And these...

I'm dying.