Four Months: Learning

The boys are four months old today. They have grown a lot. I hardly ever pick them both up at the same time because they are getting so heavy and strong.
They are starting to be awake during the day much more than asleep now, and it's really fun, but my everyday is now much busier.

My daily To Do list usually looks like this:

>Make bottles/feed babies (on repeat)
>Pump (on repeat)
>Eat breakfast
>Spend the morning exercising them and playing with them
>Do a load of laundry
>Get dressed and brush teeth at some point...
>Take them for a walk or drive
>Read
>Try to eat lunch
>Play with them some more
>Do the dishes
>Work on my online courses
>Clean/organize something
>Exercise them some more
>Try to exercise myself!
>Try to eat dinner

The most enjoyable things on that list are reading, online courses, going for a walk, aaand playing with them is pretty fun, too. It is not as fun when they are whiny and just want me to hold them.
It's a lot to do! And that's just the basics! Just tryin' to live my life! And it's not easy to get these things done.

Harrison sitting in his chair

Happy David

Harrison being shy about smiling.

They are learning new things and I love watching them. They are grabbing things, rolling over on their backs, babbling, starting to laugh (a sound almost as beautiful as hearing my first born's cry for the first time), trying to hold their bottles when they eat, sitting up in their Bumbo chairs, and Dave and I both swear they say "mum" and "mumma" now when they cry. Just sad cries, not tired or hungry. Other people have heard it and mentioned it! Whatever, whatever, I don't care if it's on purpose or not, I like it. I've been saying the word "momma" to them constantly since they were a month old so I think they at least understand that somehow it represents me, whether they moan it or not.
Now I have started doing the word "mom" and others in sign language while I say them.

Today we listened to Mozart on the record player. It seems to be one of their favorites. These are all our records:

These are some other favorites. Okay okay, the Billy Joel one is for me, not them. The bottom right one is Animal Collective...for when I'm feeling wild. They love Andrew Bird; it's very peaceful for them. Coldplay is soothing as well.

I wish I could spend as much attention on them EACH as I do with both of them together. I have three men to show affection and love for. It's a wonderful life and I wouldn't do anything else, but some days I am worn thin. I won't pretend like my life is hard, but some days are difficult. Baby David won't breastfeed anymore and sometimes it makes me frustrated and sad. I still give him my milk in bottles, and every once in a while I try to nurse him again. It doesn't work.
As a mother, I have learned to love in a different way than ever before. When you're a mom, you can't stop. It is the definition of full time. If you're feeling sad you either fight through it and do what you have to do, or let yourself cry. Today I let myself cry. My babies are very intrigued when they see me cry. Sometimes we cry together. It's okay to cry. I want them to know that. It feels much better than not crying.
So go have a good cry! Just kidding. I mean, you can! If you feel like it. Okay that's all.