Last night was the first night I really had that "I am going to be a mother" type of feeling not in a vague freaked out way that usually accompanies that realization. I actually felt like a mother. Every night, as I make sure the doors are locked and the lights are all out, the last room I pass before entering our bedroom is the boys' room. And I have that passing thought of "one day there will actually be two babies living in there that will be demanding my work and attention almost constantly." But my thought process is becoming different. Feeling like a parent isn't such a distant blob of anticipation and confusion. It's becoming a reality, something I thought wouldn't really happen until they were born. And I'm sure that it will hit me again in a much more intense way once I see them and know who they are.
Father's Day has actually helped me come to this I think. I woke up early on Sunday and made David breakfast in bed, a tradition from my parents that I happily decided to keep. As his wife I do things for him all the time (and he for me), but in keeping this tradition I realized that I was creating a standard for my own family and what I hope will continue throughout their families. And I thought, next year the boys will be clumsily trotting up the staircase to help me give love and gifts to their father. I felt like a proud wife and mother already, and felt peaceful and excited about the future I could see.
I decided to show Dave this picture I drew of him the day before Father's Day (it is more of a gift for me because this is one of my favorite pictures of Dave and being an amateur artist I had to capture it myself on paper):
Here it is a little closer:
Part II
It's so funny how we are so different but SO compatible. It was harder while we were dating and would argue about something or not want to go to the same place to eat, etc. I knew how much I loved him and it freaked me out when our relationship had even the tiniest road bumps like these.
It was Father's Day two years ago when we went to California for our friends' wedding. We stayed in my house and he met my whole family except my brother. It was a moment in our lives when we both understood each other and ourselves in a new way. And I already knew I wanted to be his wife. We were starting the healthiest relationship we had both ever had. But as our relationship progressed we went through a lot of hard times. I wasn't ready for marriage, and he wanted it but wasn't quite ready for it at the time either. We still had people in our lives to deal with and things to work through together.
As many of you already know, we broke up A LOT. I was so afraid to commit to someone who was so different and someone I fought with all the time, that I kept breaking up with him every time something went wrong! I thought, how could this person ever be my best friend?! In those brief moments of being away from him he would write me notes and emails, and leave gifts at my door which just proved how much he knew me. I tried not to think about it and date other people. But like I said, I knew how much I loved him and I really knew I couldn't live without him. It hit me more every time. After that cycle for about 6 months, I decided to love him unconditionally and work through the hard times instead of running away. Our relationship grew stronger and more content. Then the following March he proposed. We were both ready.
I don't regret anything that happened because I believe it was all part of us becoming one and being as strong as we are today. We bugged each other a lot and we still do, but that's kind of inevitable when you're with someone every day isn't it. We are so in love with each other that it's worth it. ...Plus it's kind of fun to bug him now ;) Being with anyone else (especially someone much more like me) would bug me way more. So I am continually grateful for my decision and that Dave loves me enough to go through all that and everything else with me.
Hopefully this helps someone in their quest for happiness. The end.
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