Dave and I woke up to feed the babies at 4 am, and he says in a tired moan, "Happy birthday, you've covered a lot of ground this year." It's true, I have. It was hilarious.
I think it'a been 5 years since I tried to celebrate my birthday. Which is why I felt like I needed to do something really fun for my birthday this year. But I like to procrastinate. I had this vague idea of going out with our friends and just partying. What does that even mean? I don't know. I let the time fly by, and suddenly it was the day before my birthday and I didn't know what we were going to do. I was hoping Dave would have something up his sleeve, but since he surprised me with this iMac!...
...a few days earlier, I wasn't sure. (we have been wanting a computer for our home and I've been wanting to take some programming and more graphic design classes online, so Dave thought this would be a good idea. It's great).
I haven't even known what I want for my birthday in years, and I don't really care. The problem with that is when people want to get you things, they kind of have to improvise. Anyway, I didn't make it any easier on Dave, but I did keep asking him what we were going to do. He wouldn't say much, and whenever I asked about our friends Dave and Christi he said they worked on my birthday.
So I decided to be proactive. Instead of sitting around waiting to see what would happen, I started brainstorming and looking up things to do in our town. I've done that before though for date nights, so I kind of knew what to expect. I really tried though. I even went on Pinterest and typed in the search box something like "Birthday ideas." It was all pretty much just food and desserts to make. Blasted DIY cupcakes and what not... Somehow I didn't feel like spending my birthday making the cake I would be eating and then going to bed, but I found some recipes to try just in case...
I was failing, but it was actually a good day despite the fact that Dave had to work till 9. Plus I figured there has to be SOMETHING planned!
My birthday was on a Saturday, so Dave worked until 5. It was NOT a good day. It was dark and rainy and the babies were awake all day. I didn't really have time to do anything. I don't think I even brushed my teeth - there were other things that were more important to be done. The babies weren't eating well and that made me even more frustrated. I cried a couple times. Then my friend Christi texted me! She wished me a happy birthday and said we would be having so much fun that night. I felt relieved, but then she said she didn't know what we were doing but we would have fun.
I was all angry and stuff when Dave came home and he said Dave and Christi were coming over around 6 and we would go out to eat while his parents watched the kids. I was still a little huffy and it irritated him. I was mostly just upset with myself because I didn't know what I wanted to do! Then he said something that I won't ever forget:
"Happiness is reality, minus your expectations."
Obviously at first I was like whatever DAVE. I went upstairs to pump and when he was putting one of the boys in their crib he said he doesn't know what I want or how to please me, and then he left. Keeping his earlier comment in mind, I remembered that when I was younger and still had birthday parties, I used to do the same thing every year. I had this absolutely PERFECT day in my mind and anything less than that would be a disaster. And I remembered how many times I though it was just not good enough. The last few years of not caring what happened made my birthday great usually. And suddenly in that moment I knew what was going on, and that if I kept acting that way the night would be a disaster.
I decided to change my ways. I stopped being an entitled brat who wanted someone to go inside my mind and find the PERFECT birthday party for me, and instead spent that time just thinking about all the random fun things I always want to do. Bowling seemed like the easiest and laid back thing on the list. I went downstairs and told Dave what I wanted to do and that I just wanted to be with him and relax and have a good time with our friends.
And the night was wonderful.
We bowled a little, but did what we have always had fun doing: eating and playing arcade games. And winning lots of tickets, of course.
You should think about that statement when you're feeling extra entitled. It will make you feel free.
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