Part I: Motherhood; Part II: Being with Dave

Part I
Last night was the first night I really had that "I am going to be a mother" type of feeling not in a vague freaked out way that usually accompanies that realization. I actually felt like a mother. Every night, as I make sure the doors are locked and the lights are all out, the last room I pass before entering our bedroom is the boys' room. And I have that passing thought of "one day there will actually be two babies living in there that will be demanding my work and attention almost constantly." But my thought process is becoming different. Feeling like a parent isn't such a distant blob of anticipation and confusion. It's becoming a reality, something I thought wouldn't really happen until they were born. And I'm sure that it will hit me again in a much more intense way once I see them and know who they are.
Father's Day has actually helped me come to this I think. I woke up early on Sunday and made David breakfast in bed, a tradition from my parents that I happily decided to keep. As his wife I do things for him all the time (and he for me), but in keeping this tradition I realized that I was creating a standard for my own family and what I hope will continue throughout their families. And I thought, next year the boys will be clumsily trotting up the staircase to help me give love and gifts to their father. I felt like a proud wife and mother already, and felt peaceful and excited about the future I could see.

I decided to show Dave this picture I drew of him the day before Father's Day (it is more of a gift for me because this is one of my favorite pictures of Dave and being an amateur artist I had to capture it myself on paper):

Here it is a little closer:

I love this picture because I can see the happiness and emotion in his eyes. In the actual picture you can see his eyes were a little teary.

Part II
It's so funny how we are so different but SO compatible. It was harder while we were dating and would argue about something or not want to go to the same place to eat, etc.  I knew how much I loved him and it freaked me out when our relationship had even the tiniest road bumps like these.
It was Father's Day two years ago when we went to California for our friends' wedding. We stayed in my house and he met my whole family except my brother. It was a moment in our lives when we both understood each other and ourselves in a new way. And I already knew I wanted to be his wife. We were starting the healthiest relationship we had both ever had. But as our relationship progressed we went through a lot of hard times. I wasn't ready for marriage, and he wanted it but wasn't quite ready for it at the time either. We still had people in our lives to deal with and things to work through together.

As many of you already know, we broke up A LOT. I was so afraid to commit to someone who was so different and someone I fought with all the time, that I kept breaking up with him every time something went wrong! I thought, how could this person ever be my best friend?! In those brief moments of being away from him he would write me notes and emails, and leave gifts at my door which just proved how much he knew me. I tried not to think about it and date other people. But like I said, I knew how much I loved him and I really knew I couldn't live without him. It hit me more every time. After that cycle for about 6 months, I decided to love him unconditionally and work through the hard times instead of running away. Our relationship grew stronger and more content. Then the following March he proposed. We were both ready.
I don't regret anything that happened because I believe it was all part of us becoming one and being as strong as we are today. We bugged each other a lot and we still do, but that's kind of inevitable when you're with someone every day isn't it. We are so in love with each other that it's worth it. ...Plus it's kind of fun to bug him now ;) Being with anyone else (especially someone much more like me) would bug me way more. So I am continually grateful for my decision and that Dave loves me enough to go through all that and everything else with me.

Hopefully this helps someone in their quest for happiness. The end.

Happy Moments

Today marks one year since the day that my husband, whom I love SO much and is my best friend and soulmate, made me the happiest girl in the entire universe and asked me to marry him. He makes me melt. That is probably the most accurate way to describe the way I feel about him.

I have some dang fun memories, but my very happiest moments are with him. This is one of them:

I know your wedding day is supposed to be "the best day of your life," but I remember moments more than days. Being sealed to David was the most incredible moment I have experienced. Seeing my whole family cherishing me and our moment was another amazing moment. Running off to our hotel and buying a bunch of junk food before was one of the most fun and scary moments I remember. And these moments and feelings with Dave have been so pure in a way I've never fathomed and I'll never forget them.

But every time I think of the day I met Dave I think, that was the best day of my life. The day I found him. I remember it so well. That may sound funny, but I knew it was the beginning of something extraordinary. It was the most exciting time. I've already told you the story a few posts ago. It was like I knew everything was going to be okay, as long as I kept this man in my life and fought for him. 

And I knew loved ones were watching, ones that have passed and ones that have been waiting to come here. It's like they were saying "Here they are, in the same room. Finally. I am so happy." And I felt that one other time - when we were sealed. 

I think my boys were some of those people, saying finally. And now I am saying finally, because they are with me. I'm so glad Dave and I fought for each other even through our fears and the hard times we gave each other! And that I get to have happy moments with him forever.

Gifts for My Darling Valentine

Valentines Day is special to David and I because we met only a few days before Vday in 2011. My friend Andy told me to come to his band's show. My friends and I got there just in time. Then I saw David, dancing around on stage. I was instantly in love. He was my soulmate and I knew it! I turned to my friend Kellie and said, "He will be mine." 

We were in the very front so I was able to make eye contact with him. After the show I found him and he said he was watching me while he was playing. Even though I was confident I would have him, I was still so nervous (and I am NEVER nervous around guys because it usually takes me a while before I start really liking them. And if they ever caught my eye and I talked to them, they always disappointed). My soul was just so happy and jittery.  I didn't ask for his number and my ride was leaving so I just left.

I was freaking out wondering when I would see him again. I made Andy tell me everything he knew about this guy. Then he said their next show wasn't for another 2 WEEKS. I couldn't wait that long, so I got Dave's number from Andy. I was prepared to send him a text within the next day or two.

The next day was a Sunday. I thought about him all day. That night was my friend from the ward's 4 year anniversary of being baptized into our church. I distracted myself with that. I got ready, then asked Andy if he was going. He said he might, then said DAVE WAS GOING TO BE THERE.

My heart started racing. I screamed....then called Andy and threatened him if he would not come. 

He brought a friend, and the three of us headed over. We walked in and I saw him almost immediately. I freaked out and hid myself, walking through the crowded house. I found a friend and started chatting, and out of the peripherals of my eyes I could tell he just saw me. He poked his head out like a bird, then made his way over. He came up, hugged me, and said, "I've been thinking about you all day."

I about died right there. I said "Me too." Which doesn't actually make sense or mean that I was thinking about him. That's how nervous I was.

I continued to chat with friends, and he was on the couch with his friends. After a while he grabbed my hand and pulled me onto his leg and made me put my name and number in his phone. I loved how forward he was. It's what I was looking for. He invited me over to his house afterwards, and of course I went. We talked for hours. We saw each other every day. On February 14th I asked him to be my Valentine. He said "Of course." This is our third year being each other's Valentines. It has been an amazing and challenging journey (a story I might share at a later time) that I am so glad I decided to go through.

 I love my life and all the people in it - the ones that helped me get here, the true friends, the ones who loved me, the ones who hurt, used, or abused me, and the ones that I hurt. And I'm thankful for the ones who loved Dave.

Now, on a lighter note, I made two things for David. The first one is a painting/ink drawing of Jonsi. He loves Jonsi and would probably marry him in another (weirder, gayer) life and make him sing and create musical fusion all the time. And I've chosen to respect that... So here it is:

The second is a dessert: Mountain Dew cupcakes! Just because Dave loves Mountain Dew.

Here they are:

I will later post pictures of the AMAZING gifts that Dave got me.

Wedding video

http://vimeo.com/55131165

This is a little piece of our wedding video. FINALLY!!!! :) I just cried cried cried it made me so happy. David makes me more happy than I've ever been. I am so proud of him for being so committed, honest, and hardworking in everything he does. He teaches me new things every day. And we both know it's just going to get better and better. I can't wait for every day of the rest of my life with him. Okay okay, I'm done :) Enjoy.