Crying it out

Having babies on a solid, reliable schedule feels absolutely wonderful. The boys weren't on a schedule until around 5 months. Then we went home to California (3 hour time difference) for 2.5 weeks and it ruined everything. After coming back to PA they woke up every night between 1 and 2 in the morning. One usually wakes up and the other either wakes up afraid of the cries, or we have to wake him up because we can't get the first one back to sleep. It sucked. We fed them, gave them water, burped them, laid down with them... anything to put them back to sleep. They were getting used to eating in the middle of the night again, so they kept waking up.

We asked some of our other friends who have twins how they dealt with this. They swore by the method of letting your baby cry it out. So we knew it had to be done.

The first night I could barely handle it. Harrison started crying and David soon after. There is a lot of anxiety when they are both bawling because they get scared by the other one's cry so it's hard to stop it all without comforting them. Dave handled it pretty well though. He was much calmer than I was. He went into their room and started singing and held their hands. They still ultimately want to see me before they go back to sleep and I couldn't resist anyway, so I went in. I re-tucked them and gave them a toy to chew on (they don't like pacifiers - which is kind of a relief - but they'll chew on those too). They were both back to sleep within an hour I think. A long tearful hour. It was terrible. We checked every once in a while to make sure they weren't hurt or needed diaper changes but we didn't pick them up. 

The next day every nap I put them both in bed once one of them was getting tired. I didn't rock one to sleep and then let the other one get tired and rock him too. I tucked them in their cribs, gave them a toy, sang, and left the room. The less tired one cried for about 15 minutes. Then they were both asleep. That was waaaay easier! A lot less of my time taken and the boys were getting a schedule (the same one at that) and learning to go to sleep on their own. It got easier and they stopped crying so much, and now they are on a predictable schedule. They get tired and hungry at about the same times every day, and that is because I PUT them on a schedule and modify it according to their growth. You don't wait to see what their schedule is. You make it.

And that is another beautiful lesson of (twin) motherhood.

Harrison sleeping in the NICU

Another little thing: My babies sleep WAY better with noise and a warm, steamy room. When the boys first got sick the pediatrician recommended a humidifier to prevent congestion. After we got one we didn't have to pick dry boogers or syringe their noses in the middle of the night anymore. We also got the heating fixed and their room gets the warmest. It's about 75 F in their room at night and we try to always keep it above 70 in the day time. If it's below that they don't sleep as well. If your baby isn't sleeping long those are some things you should keep in mind. It works like a charm.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

                       

Dizygotic

My boys are dizygotic twins, meaning they are fraternal. Having dizygotic twin boys naturally at my age is very uncommon. Having dizygotic twins usually occurs in women over 35. Male-male being the least common. It is the mother who has the effect on any chance of having dizygotic twins. It was also spontaneous, meaning they don't run in our family. How did this happen? I don't know, but I'm so glad it happened to me.

Because they are fraternal, they were not put in the same bed in the NICU, and this is the first time they have done this:

It lasted for just 40 minutes, and it was beautiful and magical. And they woke up and played.

Seven Months: Hello February

Ya know, I started this post earlier and did not realize that the boys are seven months old today! I was still telling people they were 6 and a half months old... I think I'm in denial or something.

We are greeting February with new tricks. Since just yesterday Harrison is learning how to get on his hands and knees. He doesn't go anywhere yet but he wants to so badly. David has been scooting around for a couple of weeks and is getting good at it now. Like an army crawl. Harrison is really working on his position first... He can sit up better than David, but neither of them like sitting much. I think they feel stuck. We're gonna need gates on the stairs really soon.

The funny thing is that when one does something new or tries to, they get over it and the other one learns to do it. David was babbling a lot a couple weeks ago, now Harrison is the babbler. Harrison was trying to roll over for a long time and then David suddenly did it first. Now they're rolling all over the place. Twins are fascinating. They comfort each other, hurt each other (on accident), take each others' toys, play with the same toy together, make each other laugh (they even look over and laugh in their carseats - it's the best thing ever)... it's just a lot of fun, learning, emotion, exhaustion, and love. And nothing more Christlike in my opinion.

Things that got us through

Twins are hard. Harder than one baby. Harder to carry, harder to take places, harder to keep asleep at night, harder to feed, harder to bond with (because you have to make sure you have good bonding time with both separately), etc. Here are some things that have gotten us through so far:

Formula:
I know - how terrible of me, right? Well it's hard enough to give enough food to one baby, so two was a challenge. Especially when the hormones in your body set off a bad toothache and suddenly you need a root canal, and then the antibiotics for that root canal give you hives, and because of those hives you need lot of Benadryl, and that Benadryl dried up your milk supply and you can't ever regain that awesome milk supply you started with. So, I am grateful for formula. Also because my babies were premature and needed the extra calories after birth to gain weight. They needed it.

Dave's parents:
They live about 5 minutes away, so they were in the hospital with me through the weekend of hell (birth story coming soon) when Dave couldn't be. We also get to take the boys over there whenever we need a little break, want to go out, or just let the boys have some Nana and Papa time. They have helped us out tremendously, and that is probably an understatement.

My parents:
My mom came out for 5 and a half weeks after I had the twins, and she helped us throughout the night feedings and throughout the hormone-causing spiral of pain and stress (mentioned in Formula section). My dad was able to come out for a few days as well, and spent a lot of time with the boys and did some small repairs on our house. And when we went to California for a couple of weeks for Christmas and New Years they watched the boys almost every day so I could spend time with friends and get out in the sun. My mom and I FaceTime often, and sometimes I do it just so she can virtually watch them while I make bottles or to give them some Grandma time. I'm really grateful for that.

Free bottles from the NICU:
The boys were in the NICU for almost 2 weeks, and in the mother room where you can pump and do other private things, they have drawers full of bottles to take home and store your milk in. You can literally take home as many as you can fit in your bag. We stuffed more in our pockets every day. We just kept those and bought the nipples that fit them at the store. We hadn't paid for a single bottle until they started eating so much we had to switch to the 10 oz bottles. We even got some of those from the hospital too, before the boys were discharged.

The breastpump:
I hate it but I love it. I had to pump after EVERY FEEDING to generate enough milk flow, and to keep a good milk supply in the fridge. They had 8 feedings a day... And while they were in the hospital I had to pump at home every feeding time. It really consumes your day. But I got a lot of reading done, and they were getting my milk. That's all that mattered. Baby Dave refused to breastfeed at about 3 months old. It was really hard for me to accept and I beat myself up about it all the time. I continued to nurse Harrison, and pumped as often as I could to keep giving David milk until Harrison decided he was done too. They got my milk until they were 6 months old. So I'm grateful for the pump because I would HATE if Harrison got all the good nutrients from my milk and David couldn't get any.

Craigslist/friends:
We got most of our baby stuff free from friends or family, or for cheap on Craigslist. We have saved a lot of money that way. We probably spent less money than a singleton mother would (on the one-time costs -- If you need help calculating costs for having a baby in your situation, find out here). Example: We got TWO CRIBS for free from friends. Yeah. Pretty good.


These things have made our life of twins babies easier, more affordable, and bearable.
So if you ever have twins, keep these in mind.

Me and Harrison in the first month or two.

Two Months: Recently Asked Questions

Meine Kinder are 2 months old as of last Monday.

A lot has happened and I haven't recorded any of it, really. Other than on my camera phone. 

But there is so much to catch up on I decided to just answer the most common questions I get, since the rest of you out there probably have similar questions.  Here we go.

Q: Caitlin, is it everything you expected?

A: Well... I don't really know what I expected. I babysat my nephews A TON when I was in high school (I even chose to babysit on Friday nights sometimes when other teenage things were going on), but they were all different ages, and they weren't my children Being around kids and babies so much helped me tremendously with mothering now. In some ways it's actually easier than I would have guessed. Yes it's hard when they are both crying, when my husband works until 9pm, and that I can't breastfeed both my babies at the same time so I have to bottle feed one and breastfeed the other and rotate every feeding. My mothering style had to be a little different than I anticipated because I have two babies. But I've always wanted to be a mother and I love my boys more than anything. It is the hardest thing I've done, but it's also the most enjoyable thing I've ever done. I love my job. 

Q: Do you just NEVER sleep?

A: Once 9 o'clock rolls around I am severely ready for bed, like I can barely stand up or see out of my eyes. Even if I got a nap that day. They have a fussy period usually around then, and then they sleep beautifully. Dave and I get at least 6 hours in a night. We can get a good 4-6 hour solid chunk of sleep before they wake up and want to eat. Dave is awesome and wakes up with me to help me feed them even though he has work in the morning. It cuts out a lot of time - although I still have to pump after so sometimes it is almost 2 hours later when I get back to sleep. And then we get another good stretch of sleep.

Q: Do twins run in your family?

A: They do not. We spontaneously conceived twins and we did not take any fertility drugs. 

Q: How did you deliver them?

A: "Naturally." A nicer way of saying I pushed them out after getting an epidural. And that's a story for another time. 

Q: How far along were you when you had them?

A: 34 weeks and 6 days.

Q: Are they identical?

A: They are fraternal. 

Q: Does that mean identical?

A: Nope. Non-identical. Normal fraternal brothers just conceived at the same time.

Q: Are you going to have any more kids?

A: Absolutely. In time.

Q: Can you tell them apart?

A: Yes. They look completely different.

Q: What is your schedule like?

A: They eat every 3 to 4 hours in the daytime. If they are still sleeping, I get them up by changing their diaper. They usually are awake when I am trying to eat breakfast, and again at lunch. I somehow can usually get a load of laundry or two done and the dishes if necessary. At night we let them sleep as long as they can. We bathe them every other night, sometimes more. 

Q: Where do they sleep?

A: Next to each other, swaddled, in their crib in their room. We will whip out the other crib once they start moving around and crowding each other.

Q: How many diapers do you go through in a day?

A: Around 20.

Q: How long were they in the NICU for?

A: One for 13 days and the other 15 days. It was SO hard leaving them there while I came home to just pump every few hours to bring milk to the hospital every day. I would usually go for 2 feedings, sometimes 3, sometimes 1... It was my time to rest and recover while the boys were getting the care they needed. But it was devastating. I cried every night and called the NICU to check on them at almost every feeding. Then Harrison came home without David and I cried for David every day even though I loved the attention I could give Harrison.

All that stress - plus the hormone changes - gave me a serious toothache and I realized I had to get a root canal. Got that done and they put me on antibiotics, to which I found out I am allergic, so I broke out in hives that increased in volume and severity over a few days. The doc said to stop taking the antibiotics and take Benadryl every few hours. Then that dried up my milk supply and I could barely make enough for one of my babies so I had to increase the formula they were putting in their milk to bulk up. What I'm saying is, July was a hell of a month for me. Thankfully it's over and I am doing much better and the babies are starting to move around and smile and make cute noises. 

Q: Got pictures?

A: Loads.

Left: Harrison. Right: David

David and I.

Harrison milk drunk.

David harnessing his inner Blue Steel.

Chicken Tetrazzini: The first postpartum meal I made. The boys were 8 weeks old.

I started this post 2 days ago in the late morning, and now I am finishing it at 6 am while I pump.  It has taken me this long to get this thing typed out. And now I want to be done.

Do you have any questions I didn't answer?